| pleasantly caving in.. |
[01 Dec 2005|09:20am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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somehow, i am strangely unamused.
go figure.
the days will lead up to something else, eventually.
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| same song, second verse.. |
[30 Nov 2005|10:12am] |
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mood |
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 restless |
] |
well.
its ok... words are just words and emotions change all the time and all these damn "PROBLEMS" will just end up being stress that i was already too overwhelmed with to deal with so..... cycles repeat.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooo.
done.
"maybe we could even get together, maybe you could break my heart next summer.."
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| as a black cloud covers the beach... |
[29 Nov 2005|10:14am] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
] |
considering the length of time that has passed since any new words have flashed across this screen. . . . . . . . .
i am at a loss.. i have no idea where to even begin.
but the cycles repeat themselves
and it follows the trend.. hold my hand, BREAK MY FUCKING FINGERS AND LAUGH RIGHT IN MY FACE.
i tend to forget the boys that make me feel like a worthless piece of shit are, in actuality, the worthless pieces of shit themselves.
n e v e r a g a i n.
dontcallme,dontfeeltheneedtoburdeneitherofuswithyoutryingreallyhardtopersuadeyourselfthatyoustillwantmeinyoulife.idontwanttobeinyourlife.fadeaway.fadefaraway.fadeasfarawayasmyfeelingsfortheonewhodidthisbeforeyouhave.liveinyourmisery.
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| i feel like a queens of the stone age song.. |
[20 Jul 2004|05:14pm] |
.. not exactly sure which one, but definately a cut off of songs for the deaf.
ANYWAY.
i thought id give updating a shot. unfortunately it doesnt seem to be turning out all that well. its thee thought that counts. thee.
situation is im living all by myself (not excluding 4 dogs) and its SO nice to have peace and quiet (not excluding 4 dogs). some of the friends keep calling me a recluse (maybe not in so many words) but im fine with that at the moment. i still dont know what i want where im going how im going to get there or what ill do if i ever get there, but maybe ill be able to do all that with a little peace of mind.
word.
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| : ( |
[13 May 2004|10:00am] |
ed:
ok so i had second thoughts because i cant figure out a way to say anything without it sounding ridiculous or mean or ARGH SOMETHIGNDKJGHK!
so i guess im not comfortable enough to talk about it yet. ?
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| workin' at the ghetto country club. |
[25 Apr 2004|09:48am] |
how unfamiliar
familiar roads seemed this new night.
not too long ago..
those roads led me to
broken tvs, mended hearts, cemented friendships, new habits formed..
tonight, i remembered it all,
felt it all, not without touch of melancholy in the air..
but
the new faces laughed and smiled,
and i felt at peace.
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[22 Apr 2004|10:02am] |
if there was anyway to just post a huge scream i would.
thats what i feel like doing.
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| bad haze.. |
[21 Apr 2004|08:57am] |
for the smokers in the house, i hope you had a nice 4-20. i would have liked to, but yesterday ended up being slightly traumatic and im so glad its over. in fact, the last thing i said before falling asleep was "i wish i could start this day all over again." (if i only had a dollar for every time ive felt that way..)
i had to work on my day off, which in an of itself is not that horrible. i dont mind pulling in extra cash when the opportunity presents itself. my dogs (and please understand these dogs are more than dogs, they are like my children) had gotten themselves tangled together in their chains yesterday at some point, and when i got home from work it was a pretty ugly scene. doobie (yes her name is doobie) had a chain twisted around her back left leg, and it was swollen and huge. solo had the chains wrapped around his stomach. ugh.. i dont know how long they were like that, but i was horrified, got them untangled as soon as i could. solo seems to be ok, his attitude has picked back up, and im pretty sure other than mental trauma, he'll be fine. doobie's foot is waaaay swollen so im watching her closely. i cried and cried and cried. it was definitley not super bad.. it could have been if they were tangled up longer.
so the rest of the night all i can do is worry and fret over the dogs' condition.. wasn't really excited to "celebrate" 4-20. dont get me wrong, i made sure i at least paid some homage to the day, but my mind wasn't in it.
man.. next time i update, maybe ill try and put something happy?
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| breathing.. so i guess im still alive |
[22 Mar 2004|05:32pm] |
oh gosh, i am not dead.. or long lost.. or any of those things. i just dont have my computer with me (yet) so i dont really have a chance to update ever.
but i am still here, and i wish i could report something interesting to you.
but ive got nothing to say of value, so i try and not waste anyones time.
i still write lots.
lots of longwinded gibberish that makes sense only to me..
perhaps not.
but i dont have the means to share any day to day thoughts with any of you..
i will be going back to florida for the rest of my stuff (including my computer) so maybe i will make a triumphant return to livejournal. or maybe not.
but until then.. think ill just ramble on.. on my way...
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| readitandweep. a p c |
[29 Oct 2003|11:56am] |
Tilling my own grave to keep me level...
Jam another dragon down the hole...
Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren...
one that pushes me along, and leaves me so...
desperate and ravenous...
I'm so Weak and powerless over you...
Someone feed the monkey while I dig in search of china...
White as Dracula as I approach the bottom...
so desperate and ravenous.
I'm so Weak and powerless over you...
Little angel, go away...
Come again some other day...
Devil has my ear today...
I'll never hear a word you say...
He Promised I would find a little solace and some peace of mind...
Whatever. just as long as I don't feel so desperate and ravenous.
I'm so Weak and powerless over you...
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[28 Oct 2003|08:56am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
nevermind.
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| whats it going to take to get through to you precious.. |
[28 Oct 2003|07:37am] |
at some point in your life, you should feel like you are on the right path to be able to enter the next phase of your life. i dont know where i went wrong, but i sure as hell don't feel like i am at the point where i am supposed to be.
the drudgery (is that a word?) of living day to day feeling soo lost is getting old REAL quick. OH! well just change it for yourself you say. easier said than done. everytime i feel like i may be getting things jump started something crappy happens. the last 3 years of my life (with few exceptions) has been filled with many bad descions.be it the people i surround myself with, or the positions i put myself in.. its been all completely wrong.
or maybe im bitter. i know im bitter. and sad.
but hey, life goes on and it could be worse.
right?
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[20 Oct 2003|05:48pm] |
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listen to the new perfect circle album.
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[27 Aug 2003|05:20pm] |
new tattoo
it's really kinda blurry, but you get the point?
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[27 Aug 2003|04:25pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
] |
he misses me
and im glad.
my pillow isn't quite the same if im not sharing it with him.
at least at this point in my life all the drama isn't about a BOY. i dont have to worry about his feelings for me. i know they are real, and he genuinely cares. it's a relief. at least one part of my mind can rest easy. i don't want to hurt him.
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| -- - - --------- - |
[26 Aug 2003|09:28am] |
there is still madness in florida, but no time to get into that here.. let's just say that my EX friend and EX roomate's FATHER stole my boyfriends guitar..
it just gets deeper...
the crap is crap so i'll just say i hope everyone is doing well and staying happy.
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[02 Aug 2003|02:09pm] |
thank you for all the love, people. i miss all of you horribly.. i dont have a house phone right now, but you can reach me at 337-302-0922. that's amanda's cell phone, so i may or may not be with her when you call, but if you leave a message with you i will definitley call back.
i love you all. i hope you are all doing well.
one day i'll have access and be able to keep up with everyone more often.
peace geeks :)
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| l i v i n |
[12 Jul 2003|11:59am] |
i am alive.. making out fairly well too.
would say more.. but i am visiting dan at work, so i probably shouldn't sit on the computer all day.
me and georgie are going to go look for more doggies today.
MOM I MISS YOU!!!!!!!
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| HELL YEAH! |
[10 May 2003|04:48pm] |
hi guys... its been a looooong time. but its going to be alright. im moving to ORLANDO FLORIDA in SIX days..
god... im so excited.
but ill try and update more often when i get settled. be happy for me. im happy, and i mean REALLY happy.. for the first time ever.
no more shit. good bye shit. it was never worth it anyways.
:)
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